Spotting the Good Guys

The lament of several women centers around finding good guys and how impossible the task appears. While not the easiest process in the world, a few simple tweaks to one's outlook may bring results where mining online dating sites and locals clubs have failed. Knowing where to look, what you are looking for and your own roadblocks must come into focus before the good guys will begin surfacing.

Where to Look?

This is one of the easiest things to fix. Men are not hiding in a secret location. They are everywhere. The problem isn't finding guys. It is finding the right guys.

Look Around: Pay attention to the places you are already frequenting. If personal health is an interest, there will be men at the gym, running trails and even the yoga class. If you have a hobby or other passions, there will be a place you visit to get supplies or information. Keep your head up and make eye contact.

Situational Awareness: Being in environments with men who share similar interests is not enough. You will need to sift through to find the ones who will be right for you. Take the gym as an example. Connecting with a body builder hyper focused on free weights if you prefer someone with greater overall fitness will lead to greater frustration than not being able to find anyone. Look for the right mesh.

What Do You Want?

Knowing oneself can be a challenge to meeting the right guy. Everyone possesses things, both known and perhaps hidden, nudging them towards specific men. Like fertilizer for a garden, being aware of what you need, want and will not tolerate make finding the best guy for you much more fruitful than a scattershot approach.

* Deal Breakers: What must you have or will not tolerate in anyone?
* Deep Wants: Unlike breakers, you have to know what fills your heart drawing you to another person.
* Delightful Lures: Areas arise pulling you into deeper waters and only certain types of men will draw that from you.

What Prevents Your Openness?

When entering into a relationship, a delicate dance begins leading some to shy away from even the best guy for them. More than knowing likes or dislikes or sharing interests, one needs to address real things blocking them from a true relationship. This often proves challenging because no one likes to think they are the cause of their own pain.

Root Out Prejudices: Preconceived notions do more to short circuit relationships than true disagreements. Looking at someone and dismissing them out of hand reduces the number of guys, good and otherwise, out there being considered. Taking a chance on someone gives love a chance to blossom.

Being Real: Presenting false fronts, even to make yourself feel better, gives the wrong impression. You are meeting another person. How they act might be directly related to how you are acting. If being fake and hide what you really feel when you are with them, they likely will respond in kind. The risk of being real offers the other person the opportunity for honesty as well.

Good guys are mixed in with every other kind of guy out there. Also, a good guy for you might surprise you. You need to check in the places you already are, know what you're really looking for and having an open heart to allow love a chance to grow. Love is often hard to find. You need to help it along.

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Moving Forward by Going Through

Everyone faces challenges when it comes to the dissolution of relationships. Feelings run high. Sensations of loss and instability plague even the most assured individuals. It takes more than a strong will, a blind eye or even a new relationship to help someone get to the healthy place they seek. In order to find what they need, one must push through the pain toward wholeness.

Why It Should Happen?

Think about when an injury to the body is sustained. What does it take to return to full health and perform even everyday functions without pain? If someone suffers long enough, they may not ever move, sit or even breathe without feeling as though they are being challenged by the actions. A feeling of hopelessness may creep into their lives.

Relational pain falls into the same category. Just as recovering from a broken limb, one should deal with their emotional pain and move along the path to recovery. They can only enter into a healthy relationship after addressing the fallout of the previous one. The simplest thing to do is take a slow and healthy approach to deal with all the issues and make slow progress.


Using the Mind

Some steps require using reason to catalog and note patterns. One of the strongest skills people, even those not professionally trained, have exists in recognizing patterns. This simple skill can expedite the process permitting quicker recovery.

Make a List: Start with a simple breakdown of what happened listing all the aspects of the relationship. The more complete the analysis then it will point to all the things treasured and lost within the relationship.

Look for Patterns: By using the list and the recent relationship, one should see if they can find repeat occurrences within prior relationships. This can be difficult since most people want to forget their worst attributes. For example, someone taking into account how unchecked jealous has damaged trust may find it hard to face.

Assess the Causes: More than lists and patterns, you need to see how much of these fall into areas you had a hand in manifesting. This can be hard because the temptation is to take too much or too little responsibility. Often extremes fail to affect a true changes. Also, a negative in one relationship may become a positive in another.

Now, The Heart

The mind, though great at cataloging, never fully processes things outside of a coldly clinical approach. To truly release the past relationship, one must engage the heart because it performs vital tasks. Let's look at some things the heat is well designed for.

* Grieving: Releasing pain after acknowledging the damage it has cause through the many aspects of loss happens in the heart.
* Finding: Being drawn to important things like connection and communication can be sensed through the heart.
* Treasuring: Holding onto key parts of relationship often occur in the stronghold of the heart.

The past can be a beautiful story carrying one forward in to richer relationships or an anchor dragging everyone to the bottom of a sad sad sea. Seeking health, using the mind and accessing the heart frees one from the negative bonds of the past. It takes bravery to enter this struggle and perseverance to reach the end. Be strong, be brave and stay with yourself. Only you can find the freedom you seek, so press on through and forward.

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Making up in the Movies - Why Doesn't it Really Work That Way?

You've seen it happen in the movies dozens, if not hundreds of time. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy breaks girl's heart (mean boy!). Girl breaks up with boy. Boy makes heroic effort with giant 1980's boom boxes, saying "hello," flying a jet, and countless other antics to win her heart back. The problem is, one person is writing the script for both of them in the movies. They're playing pre-defined roles and following cues. Real life doesn't quite work that way.

Lack of Originality

Unfortunately, a lot of guys haven't gotten the memo. You're still trying to use moves that have been used before. Sadly, these are moves the girls you're trying to get back together with already know about too.

Your ex doesn't want you to copy something that's been done before. If you're going to make a move to get her back, it had better, at the very least, be original. It needs to be something she hasn't seen before. It also needs to be something that you would do. It needs to appear sincere. Using movie lines as your guide makes her feel as though she isn't
important enough to you for something original.

Not Appropriate for Your Situation

Every relationship is different. Every breakup is somewhat unique. You can be having the same arguments as 10,000 other couples around the world, but there are things about the two of you and your situation that make those same arguments and situations unique.

No matter what the reason for the breakup was, your situation is different than Harry and Sally's (When Harry Met Sally), Joe and Kathleen's (You've Got Mail), Maverick and Charlie's (Top Gun), and Pat and Tiffany's (Silver Linings Playbook). You need to take the time and make the effort to come up with something unique and specific to your romantic situation. More importantly, it needs to be something that will matter to her and melt her heart.

Alternative Endings Worth Considering

That is, of course, if you're going for movie magic effects. However, you could do something else altogether. Something she may even find curious and shocking. You could let her go -- at least for a little while. Instead of going after the girl, give her a little time to think things through.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Then, after a little time has passed, chances are you won't need to call her. She'll call you. When that happens, you can both enjoy a happy ending that's much better than anything Hollywood could come up with because it's the story that belongs to the two of you and no one else.

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