Depending on how long you've been trying to get your ex back, or how
many times you've tried and failed already, you've probably heard people
talking about giving up the concerted efforts you've been making and
going "no contact" with your ex.
At first glance that seems like
a crazy plan! Right? The idea that you would be able to get your ex
back by not trying to get her back sounds absolutely absurd. And yet, it
works. In fact, it often works where everything else you've tried in
the past has failed. Here are three reasons why.
1) Absence Does Make Hearts Fonder
There's
something about not being surrounded by memories, flooded by emotions,
and constantly exposed to someone that makes it easier to look past the
negative associations and see the positive. Once enough time has passed,
the memories of arguments, fights, disagreements, and even petty
annoyances fade. All that's left are the good memories and a sense of
what she really does miss about you and your relationship.
2) Time Heals Old Wounds
Even
if things ended badly between you and things were said that shouldn't
have been, time has an amazing way of soothing wounds and healing broken
hearts. You'll be amazed by the types of wounds that can be healed when
enough time is allowed to pass. Your ex can forgive the little things
as well as the big things -- even cheating. But, you have to be willing
to allow the right amount of time to pass to allow that to happen. And,
the bigger the grievance, the longer time will need to pass before she's
truly had time to heal.
3) She Can't Understand What She's Lost Until It's Truly Gone
She'll
never understand what she's missing out on without you in her life if
you're a constant presence in her life. It's as simple as that. She's
never going to take you back if she gets all the benefits of your
presence, support, love, and friendship, without being required to
return those things. Take a break. Step away. Don't answer when she
calls. Then, wait. Wait for her to call you. Because one day she'll
realize what she's lost and be ready to call you.
There is a
trick to make this work though. You have to take a hard line about it.
I'm not saying you need to go out of your way to avoid her forever,
though it's a good idea for a little while. You need to give her time
and space. You need to wait long enough for her to start remembering the
good and forgetting the bad. Most importantly, you need to give you
both time to figure out what you want from the relationship and each
other the second time around. Then, when the second chance arrives you
need to take the time to make sure you're both on the same page about
your expectations for the future.
