Marriage
is a complex entity that rarely turns out quite the way you envisioned while
making plans and picking out China patterns and wedding dresses. It was so much
simpler when it was all on paper and everything matched up perfectly. Real life
is never quite so neat and tidy.
Unfortunately,
many couples put far more thought into planning the details of their marriage
without putting a single thought into what's going to happen once the vows are
made. If you're getting ready to take your walk down the aisle, keep these
mistakes in mind so you can avoid them in your marriage.
Don't
Tell Your Friends about Your Problems
It
may seem like the thing to do. Your best friend has been by your side through
thick and thin over the years. You want to turn to her as a sounding board for
your marital troubles. Unfortunately, there's a big problem with that. Your
friend loves YOU. The jury's still out on the man you married.
If
you're going to her to unload all the negatives, she's going to hate him on
your behalf and never give him or your marriage a real chance. Over time, the
strain will become problematic and you'll either cut ties with your husband (at
your friend's urging) or your friend because she's just too antagonistic
towards the man you love.
Don't
Expect Him to Change
There's
an old saying about men and women and how they view marriage. Men, according to
this old saying, find the perfect woman and marry her hoping she'll never
change. Women go out and find a great start and marry him hoping to change him.
Unfortunately for you, men are reluctant to change and are often actually hurt
by your efforts to force them to change.
If
you seriously want change in the marriage or the relationship, it's best to
begin by making positive changes for yourself. He'll notice those and often want
to be part of it, once he decides it's a change for the better and not simply
for the sake of change. But if you go in expecting him to change it's going to
leave you both feeling disappointed and out of sorts.
Don't
Forget to Connect with Your Husband
We
nurture many connections in life. We try to build relationships with our
children, with our friends, and even with our coworkers. People reach out and
connect on social media networks and online message boards in their "after
hours". Connections are more important now than ever before.
And
yet so many people fail to reach out and make the connection with the one
person who is most important to them. They believe they feel it should somehow
be automatic and require no active participation in order to keep going.
Nothing could be further from the truth. You have to build the bond with shared
activities and experiences if you want the bond of marriage to survive the
tests of time.
These
are small mistakes that can really cost your marriage if you allow them to.
Avoid making them and you're sure to have a healthier, happier, and more loving
relationship with your husband now and in the years to come.
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